What They Didn’t Tell You: From Core to Floor

Vibes, Orgasms & Prolapse — Oh My!

• Millie • Season 1 • Episode 2

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Welcome back to another spicy episode of What They Didn’t Tell You: From Core to Floor! In this Q&A-packed session, Dr. Millie Schweky teams up again with sex coach Galya Falkson to explore what’s really going on when orgasms feel out of reach.

In this episode, we dive into:

  • What to do when vibrators don’t work and why they’re not magic wands
  • The role your brain plays in pleasure (yes, stress can shut it all down)
  • Why prolapse affects orgasm and what to do about it
  • Muscle tension, blood flow, and pelvic floor coordination explained
  • The pressure to “finish” and why it might be sabotaging your experience
  • The 5 sex languages. Yes, there’s more than one kind of turn-on!

Plus, Millie shares insight into her Better Sex Online program, a gentle, practical way to start healing from the comfort of your home.

Not safe for little ears..pop in your headphones for this one!

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Rate + review if this episode resonated and share it with your sisters, cousins, and besties. Everyone deserves better sex and better information.

[Dr. Millie Schweky]

Hey sis, and welcome back to What They Didn't Tell You from Core to Floor. I'm your girl, Dr. Millie Schweky, your favorite pelvic floor physical therapist, and today on season one, episode two, our sex Q&A season, I'm here with Galya Falkson, a sex coach, and we're going to continue to dive in to your burning sex Q&A. Just a disclaimer, this season is not for little ears, so if you're listening with your kids in car or cooking in the kitchen, I recommend switching to headphones or putting this on later.

Today's episode is real juicy. We're going to talk about vibrators, orgasms, and prolapse, so sit tight. Here we go.

 All right, here's the first question for today. Somebody asked, I can't orgasm. How do I know if it's emotional or physical? I've tried every vibrator out there and nothing works.

I also have prolapse, if that makes a difference. So I'll have you answer, I guess, the emotional part, and I'm happy to chime in about the physical. 

[ Galya Falkson ]

Okay, well, firstly, this person, I want you to know that you're not broken, and I also get how frustrating that is because when you've tried everything, it feels like, where's my magic wand? And I like to say that vibrators are not magic wands.

 Vibrators only work if the most important thing is in play, and what is the most important thing? It's your brain. Your brain is your largest sexual organ, and if your brain is not functioning in the way that's relaxed and has the space to receive and experience a pleasurable experience, then the same person could go on a ride at the fair and still have a horrible experience because their brain is not there, and it's not about how fun the experience is. It's about where they are.

 So I think it's important that we take a step back and have a look at a whole bunch of different elements before we start saying, oh, well, I can't orgasm, and it's never going to happen for me. So I always will, if there is, if they've tried every vibrator and nothing's working, I will obviously refer them to a pelvic floor therapist as well to just make sure that, is their pelvic floor healthy, and is there any maybe nerve desensitization or stuff that you can speak to, but from an emotional space, I would work on trying to understand how their brain views pleasure, how their brain experiences other types of pleasure. Are they able to be focused? Are they able to be present? Are they able to put their stress aside? Are they stressing while they're using the vibrator? Because that's going to have an opposite effect on the experience if their body's never done it before.

 So from that perspective and from a physical perspective, yeah, it's most likely that if you jump to using vibrators before you've ever tried sensual, slow, different types of touch, and your body's not ready for such an intense stimulation that a vibrator would give, then you might be actually missing out on what your body wants as opposed to what you're trying to give your body. So not everybody wants an intense stimulation from a vibrator. I've heard from a lot of my clients how vibrators just don't work for them.

 It's too much. It's not a good orgasm. There's a sensory overload almost for them, whereas a lot of people don't realize that actually you have to start off slow.

The same way you learn anything, you don't just jump in. I like to use Duolingo as an example because it's one of those most typical examples, but you go in and it teaches you the words, and then it makes you say the words again, and then again, and then again, and then again, and you actually get a little bit annoyed and bored because you're saying the same thing over and over. But that's the point of how your brain actually starts to remember it.

It's the same thing here, that if you don't teach your body the different types of touch and notice what types of touch you enjoy, is it slow? Is it teasing? Is it about taking that pressure off yourself of having a goal? Oh, I have to achieve orgasms, so therefore I have to do these things to get there. It's literally going to have the opposite effect because like we said, your brain is your biggest organ, and if your brain's not there and if your brain's not able to focus, and your brain is only focusing on a goal, then you're taking away yourself from the physical experience. 

[Dr. Millie Schweky]

Wow, okay. So, lots to think about there because it really does run much deeper because when I'm working with patients and we're thinking about muscle tension and blood flow, but there's a lot of times where I can see that things are functioning pretty well, and I do have a clue that sometimes it's emotional, and maybe they're pressuring themselves too much, and they're like, oh, I have to finish, I have to finish, and I'm like, you don't have to every single time if it feels like it's too much pressure for you, you know what I mean? And tell me what you think about this before I address the prolapse. I made this up. Tell me if clinically you find that your patients are the same.

I kind of like put women into two different categories based off of what they tell me. One category of women need like a very, very light stimulation like as if a feather was stroking them and like barely there, kind of like it's a tease, and that's like what does it for them, and then like I have other patients who are like, no, it needs to be fast, it needs to be hard, it needs to be like in a certain way, and like almost like aggressive from what I get. Do you, I don't know, I made this up.

Like I always tell my patients these two categories, and I'm like, I like coined these. Like, I don't know, have you experienced any feedback from women kind reporting the same kind of thing? 

 [ Galya Falkson ]

So actually, there's something called the five sex languages, which is not, I would say that it's pretty foolproof, but like the five languages, there's always, you know, a little bit added nuance that can be added to it. However, the five sex languages, you have five different types of people.

 So yes, you do have your sensual, which is slow and gentle and more sensory engaging, and then you do have someone who's like a kink, where they don't have to go to this full kink experience of BDSM, but they have the experience of just like needing it more rough, needing it more intense. That can also kind of fall into a sexual as well. Whatever.

 The point is that there are different types of people, and there literally is no right or wrong. Like you're going to have women who are going to want it one way, and maybe she wants it that way at the beginning of her 20s, but then when she hits like 35, she's completely a different sexual language almost, because sometimes these things also shift. Like what worked for you to orgasm when you were 15, it probably doesn't work for you to orgasm now at whatever age you are, and I think that's important.

 It's not going to stay the same, and we do go through these different phases of like where are we at in our life, and what are the kind of things that we looking for, and what do we want. I like to use the five sex languages almost as like a starting point, but not as like the rule, but I think that it's important to just like know that there are different types of people, and we do respond to sexual stimuli differently, and it's totally normal, and it's also normal if that evolves. 

[Dr. Millie Schweky]

Okay, that's a great answer.

 I want to just get and touch on the physical aspect of it, because the person who asked the question mentioned they had prolapse. So just to define, pelvic organ prolapse means that one or more of your pelvic organs, so the bladder, uterus, or rectum, are shifting downward because your pelvic floor is either weakened, overstretched, or even tight, and this actually can cause changes in sensation, especially if the prolapse is affecting the vaginal walls, the nerves, or blood flow, and orgasms very much need good nerve signaling and blood flow. So if the tissues are not getting enough circulation, or if the nerves are stretched or compressed, it can make reaching that peak feel like you're trying to plug in a charger that's like broken.

 It's just like not connecting. So then there's also the muscular side of things. The pelvic floor muscles actually do play a big role in an orgasm.

 The muscles contract rhythmically during climax. It's kind of like that subconscious sound. People say it sounds like a heart beating.

 It feels like a beating. It's like an internal firework show. So if those muscles are weak, or overstretched, or not coordinating well because of the prolapse, your orgasm might feel dulled, like it's weak, or not strong, or maybe even non-existent.

 So I think just having an understanding of that, and knowing that it's not just a physical reflex, and knowing that it's a mind and body symphony, it all kind of comes together. 

 [Galya Falkson]

Yeah, I was waiting for you to say that because prolapse is a big deal when it comes to not being able to orgasm. And I think that when our body isn't functioning in the best way it can be functioning, and then we hold it to standards that it's like crazy high, it's almost like we don't do this with any other area of our body.

 If our knee is really sore, we don't go and be like, okay knee, you better just get better, and I'm just going to keep running on you until you get better. We go and have physiotherapy, or we go do something about it, or we do strengthening exercise, or we stop running because our knee is sore. But we do something about it.

 Whereas when it comes to our bodies, it's like, oh, I've got a prolapse, okay. This is just the way it is, because no one talks about it, and no one told us that there's actually help out there, and that a pelvic floor therapist can help you. And you don't necessarily have to go for surgery, because that's the only option your gynecologist gave you, because they're not aware that a pelvic floor therapist could help you so well.

 And I think that is something that is changing, I think, at least here, where I live, that gynecologists are getting more aware of how pelvic floor therapy can help. But it really is a big deal, and these things really do affect us, and they affect more than just the one thing. And like you said, all those muscles, all of those things play a role together.

 And if they're not working in tandem, then something's not going to feel right. It's not going to work in the way it's supposed to. So treating the core is always important, because if you just treat the symptoms, then sometimes you're just putting a Band-Aid on a problem that's still going to be there.

 [Dr. Millie Schweky]

Totally. All right. That's all the time we have to go through questions today.

 Thank you so much for listening. If you can relate to some of the pain and struggles in this episode, I just want you to know that you're not alone, and help is available. My Better Sex Online program walks you through why you may be experiencing this pain and what exactly you should do, step-by-step, to work through it.

We start with breathing. We go into mobility work. We go through manual therapy.

We go through stretching and exercises. It really does lay the foundations for, hopefully, less painful sex and more pleasure in the bedroom. So take a look at the show notes.

The link is there. And you could get started from the privacy of your own house before going to pelvic floor therapy. As usual, thanks for listening.

Don't forget to rate five stars and leave a review. Can't wait to have you back.